An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over
October 27, 2014
Former FBI investigator Schafer applies what he learned in his law-enforcement past to explain how to charm anyone under any circumstances. “When you hear ‘FBI’ you likely don’t think ‘Friendly Bureau of Investigation,’” he writes. But friendship—feigned or true—is the basis of his system for mastering a variety of social situations. The foundation on which Schafer’s theory rests is what he calls “the friendship formula,” involving proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity. First, he explains the value of nonverbal friend cues, including the “big three”: the eyebrow flash, the head tilt, and a genuine—not forced—smile, along with photos depicting these cues, some done sincerely and some of them obviously fake. Next, he tackles body language and what it reveals about a person’s intentions, regardless of what he or she might be saying aloud. He also advocates “speaking the language of friendship,” which involves keeping one’s ego in check, and what he calls the LOVE method—listening, observing, vocalizing, and empathizing. The author’s approach to observing human nature should prove practical and useful in a variety of situations, from romantic meetings to interviewing criminals. A unique and pragmatic tome.